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Self pity 😒

Some of us experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. We wonder why we go through difficulties and not the ‘bad’ people. Unfortunately, life is not fair.
Awful things happen. Dreadful circumstances and tragedies will affect most of our lives at some point. It’s okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself and your circumstances, mope around, or get angry. But at some point you must shake it off, let go of the past, and not let it consume you. It will keep you from moving forward in a constructive way.
I am not addressing clinical depression here. I am talking about SELF-PITY, which according to the dictionary is “a self-indulgent dwelling on your sorrows or misfortunes.”
When we fall into self-pity, we allow it to take control of our lives. We become completely self-absorbed. It is destructive to dwell on negative events and carry that bitterness and resentment forward. When we keep our focus on the hurt, we aren’t focused on taking control of our lives.
If we blame negative circumstances for our place in life, we are giving up responsibility and control. We whine and feel sorry for ourselves. We can choose to spread our misery, or we can choose to rise above our circumstances.
Self-pity is a form of selfishness. It makes us less aware of the needs and suffering of others. Our own suffering is all we think or care about in our self-absorbed state.
Self-pity is a choice. You can choose to lift yourself up and enjoy life! You are in charge of your own happiness. It is your personal responsibility.
So go ahead and cry, mope and feel sorry for yourself and stay in bed all day. Feel the pain and the hurt. Live your reality and misery. It’s okay and even healthy to do that. But then let it go!
Don’t let it consume your life. You are not alone or unloved. Remember there are other people in your life who need you. There are people you haven’t even met yet who need you! You can’t help anyone else if you only see yourself.

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Little guy!

Sometimes I hate the way I look, I feel so sad about it. Imagine me in my late 20s looking like a teenage boy, that’s what am talking about. I would look at myself, look at my age and compare myself to others of the same age. Waoh! There is a huge difference. While I look skinny, pale and undeveloped, they look big, huge, muscular and strong. Even my own siblings look older than me.  This issue had me cheated, bullied even in my final year. Yes, I was bullied by teenage boys in 100 and 200 level. There is one particular day a guy asked me to pay for what he bought, when I refused he held grudges with me, threatened me because he was huge and a blow from him will definitely land me in the school health center. This was because of the way I look. Yes am a SCD warrior, but they don’t even care. They just want to show themselves after being initiated to one cult or the other.  Several occasions I remained silent because am afraid of being squashed by a younger boy. But even with all the flaws, I still had someone who looked up to me. I was like, though am in 400level I still need a school father not to be one. But this guy just loved everything about me even though he is my size but the age different is huge. I stood out among others, the brain, the knowledge, and all other things he needed was in me. So I figured out its not by size but by what you are built with, am a warrior and I got it all!

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The Mask

Behind our faces lies a mask, we each wear our own mask to hide or disguise our true self. We sketched, created and mastered it because we need it to fulfil a task, to hide our guilt, pain and shame away so others may never see the tears hidden behind the laughter.
It prevents those we love from seeing us weak, so we can be their anchor during the storm that lays in wait.

When we’re reminded of our past each passing day, the mask hides our demons from watchful eyep, for they will gaze upon us with glares that burn through our hearts.
But I can no longer carry this mask, it is slipping off my face and revealing my scars, no longer shall I hide the pain away nor the guilt and shame I’ve felt. They will see the wells overflowing as I shall proclaim my sins and become my true self so they may know my name and the pains hidden behind the mask.